Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
