Can Purell be used as lube?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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