I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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