im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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