I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
