i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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