im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you inspire me to be a worse person
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
