My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
