all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
