There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
