just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
