We're facebook friends in real life
i don't like sucking hair
false alarm. still invincible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
