just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
