I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
