batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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