you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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