Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
