my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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