Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
