i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
