Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize