2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
