FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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