Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
