We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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