ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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