Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
