Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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