My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
