while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
