well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nutella sex= disaster
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
