I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I just sharted jello shots
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
