the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
