He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
