They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
