I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
