i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
