Someone shit on the floor
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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