I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
