I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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