What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
