Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
