The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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