i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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