He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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