I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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