What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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