Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
