Heybabeimwearingurpanties
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
