i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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