two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The ass gains better be worth it
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