maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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