I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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