I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
