Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
