Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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