I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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