We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
