The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
