remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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