Moan for me like Helen Keller
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
