ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
