Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
