Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
