i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
