Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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