We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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