he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
