so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
