she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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