I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
