So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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