walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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