Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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