It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
