is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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