Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
