you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
