Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
