my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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