I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
