Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
