I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
