i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize