There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
