OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
