please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
