She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize