I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
