There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize