This is not my ceiling
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
