porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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