i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i've created a new STD.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
