You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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